i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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