In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
