i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
