so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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