I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
