I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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