my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
