I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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