i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
