My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize