Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize