i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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