whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
