do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
