16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
