Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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