everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
