Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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