Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize