He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
