she was so not down for the gang bang
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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