dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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