she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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