porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
