Dual....:-)
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
