I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
