In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
