I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
