We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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