i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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