you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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