for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
