I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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