is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
