So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize