I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
