the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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