I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
