She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
