just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
