you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
