were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
