Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Mom said you looked used
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
