he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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