I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
