I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
