too bad you live with your parents still
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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