How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
