im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
