saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i will never coherently bang her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
