I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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