Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
