I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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