and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
