I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
