have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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