3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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