I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
