Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
