You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
