she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
