I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
