No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
