biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
